SERENITY, PEACE & HAPPINESS

GOD - PLEASE GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT WHAT I CANNOT CHANGE, THE COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT I CAN & A SMIDGEN OF YOUR INFINITE WISDOM SO I CAN REALIZE THE DIFFERENCE........AND GOD?? IF YA DON'T MIND, COULD YA MAKE THAT HAPPEN YESTERDAY?? PLEASE?????

I'm searching tonite - searching for peace of mind. I want my happiness & joy back, and I want it NOW. Just like a small child, eh? Instant gratification is what I seek. In all areas of my life. Not sure I wanna pray for patience - I'm afraid that I'll be sent more ways in which to test it out!! Today, my nerves are shot - that last one I had left?? Several people did their level best to tromp all over it........

I am level-headed right now, for the moment. May not be tomorrow. I'm extremely hurt, but I'm trying really hard not to hold onto any resentments - but I'm afraid I'm not trying as hard as I think I am, 'cause I still wanna hurt someone REAL bad. It'll pass tho - just like it always does. I'll open my heart & soul to those around me, give them the benefit of the doubt & the same azzholes who chmped me before will probably do so again. Maybe not. Don't know.

What I do know is this - I AM BIGGER & BETTER THAN THIS!! AND I WON'T BECOME ONE OF THE DOWNTRODDEN THROWAWAYS!! I WON'T SUCCUMB TO THE MADNESS!! I WILL STAND STRONG & BE TRUE TO MYSELF, NO MATTER THE OUTCOME.

In the infamous words of Gloria Gaynor - I WILL SURVIVE!!!!

Peace, kids. And good nite.......

I NEED A VACATION.......

Lawdy - I sound like a darn broken record, don't I?? Gee whiz - the BS never ends at this place. Sooooooo - do I stay, put up with the crap & try to work thru it? Or do I update my resume & go jobhunting?? At age 52? Aaaarrrggghhhh!!! I never really realized what Tala went thru until now, but suddenly - I get it. She was where I am now - she had messed up a little, tried to get back on track, but had to deal with "T" on a daily basis - no wonder she walked out. He never, ever, ever lets up. The little digs & nitpicking go a lllooonnnggg way towards undermining self esteem - with some. Not with me - I'm just angry all the time now. On edge, and terribly frustrated, too. I don't really WANT to try & please him - it's an impssible task. He's a bully, a bully boss & I have become his target. He literally canNOT help himself, I don't think. HE believes he's "keeping me on my toes".

I pray for him daily - to find peace & happiness in his life. I must confess I ask for God to help make him not such a butthead. But so far, I don't know that I feel any better, and I surely can't tell that it's made an impact on him. But I'll keep praying for relief - I know God will answer my prayer somehow. I just don't know when, where or how. Until then, I'll keep looking for little islands of peace & tranquility in my life, and hope for the best. Surely, he can't go another 40 years acting like such a d--k to most people. I don't know why Sam keeps him on here, unless it's for the the fact that he kisses azz so well.

Honestly can't wait for my vacation - I plan to do nothing but sit on the front porch, drink a coupla glasses of wine, knit & watch the world go by. Period. That's my plan - think I can wait until July??? LOL I sure hope I can.

Peace, kids. Thanks for listening. ;~)

:~(

Stud died sometime yesterday. Poop. I knew it was gonna happen but still - I hate it. And I found out at a particularly bad moment last nite, so I more or less lost it when I saw that he had died. I din't have a burial for him - just put the cage contents into a trach bag & had Tala help me take it out.

Right now I am at work, doing nothing but playing on the internet & avoiding going home until much later. I've had enough of Ella & her smart-ass comments to me, so she might as well learn to like being by herself again - 'cause that's where she's headed. Just as soon as I get my finances straightened out, my ass is outta there. I most certainly will NOT continue to let her say hurtful things to me - not anymore. I realize she's old & cranky, and that she doesn't always feel good. But there is no reason to take it out on me. Period.

So that's where I am today - gotta get a move on soon. Wanna do a little work before I leave, then take off for the laundromat and Target. I HAVE to have a new bra!! Later, peeps!!


Peace out, especially you, ELLA!!

Sad times....

Kinda sad - my gerbil, Stud, is not doing well. I don't think he's long for the world - he just mostly sits in a corner. I can't tell if he's eating anything but his fortune cookie everyday, but he doesn't run over & frantically beg for it like he used to. He just waits until I offer it. He's somewhere close to 4 yrs old, I think - I've had him over 3 yrs and he wasn't a baby when I bought him. I'm a little surprised at how attached I've become to him. But that will be all the pets I'll have for awhile, or at least until I have my own place.

Anyway - that's all I got for today. Peace to all.