HOW DO YOU RETRIEVE YOUR PEACE OF MIND???

How do ya get it back when it seems like every last shred of it has gone out the window - along w/your joy about being exactly where you're supposed to be in life?? Right now - I don't know. I used to enjoy going into work everyday - that's changed. Thanks, Tharon. I feel put-upon & unappreciated, and it's hard to get past that. As a 12 Stepper, I know what I OUGHT to do to help relieve the anxiety - journal, talk to my sponsor, read OA literature, etc. BUT I DON'T WANT TO RIGHT NOW. I simply want to be someplace very quiet - no phones, no TV, no kids, no Ella and especially NO Tharon. Right now, if I never ever saw that man again, I would not think twice about it.

I'm very tired of day-to-day life right now - that retirement cabin in the mountains is looking pretty damn good right now. Too bad there is no such cabin. Too bad I've saved no money to have such a retirement. I am praying a lot, that these feelings pass. I'm crying a lot & I'm not sure if it's self-pity or just insurmountable sadness. I feel like I've lost something, and I'm not sure what. I'm not eating over it - still at 3 meals a day with absolutely no snacks. My meals aren't restricted, but I have noticed that I do tend to get a little hungry between meals - so I must be doing something right.

Thank God I have a meeting tonite - it may be the only thing that is gonna get me dis-invited from my own pity party. As far as the job is concerned? I'm torn - really torn. One part of me says do the very best I can for Sam & Melanie (forget about the a**hole, Tharon)even if it means doing a little bit on my own time. The other part of me says I'll be damned if I'm going to do more than absolutely neccesary - especially when I'm doing twice as much as Debbie, but she gets to work OT & I'm restricted to 40 hrs a week. Seriously - WTF happens when she leaves for good in 3 wks? Huh?? Still want me on 40 hrs a week, dipsh*t?? See - that's where it's all changed. It used to be I didn't mind doing some work & not getting paid for it. I'd go in on a Saturday & work 4-5 hrs on my own time - never punch in. But now? The hell with all that. I'm only working on my job when I get paid for it - period.

Maybe this counts as journaling - I don't know. I don't feel much better yet, if it does. But - duty calls. Time for work. Hopefully my next post will be more light-hearted. Thanks for listening.

Peace.

Hmmmmm........

Seems I have a mystery commentator on my blog. Wonder what that's all about?? And when I look at HIS (HER??) blog, all I see are little squares. Weird. Well - so far, so good today at work. YAY!! And Hannah has all her homework done, so that's good too. Things are looking up, I'd say.

Thank goodness for being able to be there for friends. I have one that's going thru a hard time, and I hope I can be there for him always. He's hurting, but he's a "glass is half-full" kinda guy - he'll make it, I know he will. As always, he's in my prayers.

Okay - gotta work!!

Peace!

One week down....

Well - I made it thru the week, and I didn't kill anyone......namely you know who. That's a good thing. It's Sunday, tho - the start of a brand-new week. Hopefully, this one will go better than the last.

The good news?? I finished a knitted shawl & will probably finish a wrap for my mom's birthday by tomorrow nite. Ya gotta love big needles & dropped stitches!! LOL Okay - gotta go - Hannah is having a hissy fit 'cause she wants me to watch a movie with her. She's sighing dramatically & loudly from across the room!! What a teenage drama queen!!

Oh! She just said she's THE teenage drama queen!!! Gotta go!!

Peace!!

WORK SUX.........and then ya die.

Jeez - I don't know where to start. It's been a helluva day, to say the least. Tharon (the general manager taking Melanie's place in our dept) is on my ass hot & heavy. I'm so pissed off still, and all this happ'd over 2 hrs ago. But I can't seem to let it go. F***!! I'm mad, so mad. He claims I'm disobeying his direct orders on purpose. Like I've been sitting around all week with my thumb up my ass or something. Because he told me & Debbie last week to switch account books & call each other's bad debt customers. And we never got around to it this week. Since he didn't say anything to HER, I'm assuming he believes it's all MY fault. What makes it worse is that's the impression I get from Debbie too!! Maybe its just my paranoia kicking in - I don't know. But I'm really upset about it. I did talk to Melanie & she told me to breathe and just shake it off. I'm trying, I am - I'm so happy I have a meeting tonite. Sorry, kids - didn't mean to rant. Just thought if I put it into words I could get past it somehow. Don't pay me any mind whatsoever, ok? I'll be okay. Thanks for reading!! LOL

Peace out, Tharon!!