Right now, I really, really hate myself. I snacked last nite when I had no business doing so - killed half a bag of Cheetos. Was gonna do better this morning, then decided to have chocolate chip cookies WITH my banana, and from there it was Katy bar the door. I haven't quit eating for more than 90 minutes at a time all damn day, It sux - totally blew what little abstinence I was holding onto, and now my stomach hurts like hell. Not to mention that I feel like I'm poured into my clothes today. Aaaarrrgggghhhhh........so. Back to the first 3 Steps tonite, before I settle in with my knitting OR Facebook. Journal some on what in the hell caused this compulsive overeating, because I'm almost sure there's some underlying emotional upheaval or reason I did so. Try really hard not to beat myself up TOO bad over the whole deal, and decide how I'm gonna come clean to my sponsor and OA friends.
My heart & my body are really heavy right now - I feel like I have a ton of lead on my shoulders & another in my stomach. THIS SUX SO FRIGGIN' BAD!!!!! Okay then - gonna man up, get my stuff together & head for Bible study. Pray to God to help me, then promise myself to DO SOMETHING to help myself the next time that DOESN'T involve food!! Gee!! When will I EVER learn??
Peace.
I hope today is a better day. xo
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