Disappointments

Wow - another long period of time!! My bad. Took a road trip this past Saturday to see Julian in Poplar Bluff, MO. Unfortunately, he had some car troubles & I decided to turn around to come home around Cairo, IL. I wish I had gone ahead & drove into Mountain Grove as he had suggested, 'cause I really was anxious to see him again. But I felt unprepared for the longer trip, so I decided it was best to head back to EVV. He was good w/my decision & I thought I was, until that evening - alone in my room. That's when the disappointment really set in, then I started doubting myself, my life, my friends......just everything personal. It all came crashing in on me & I ended up crying myself to sleep.

Funny thing is - I didn't knoe that's what was happening. I just knew I felt outta sorts, pissed off @ the world, and extremely needy and weepy. And nothing, not even Julian's texting and concern, could make it better. It wasn't until the next day when we were talking, that I hit the nail on the head. I had an epiphany when I was texting him & ended up putting it into words - for the very 1st time. Seeing it in the words on my phone, it hit me that I had never ever identified exactly what was causing my angst. It was also very freeing - I have felt better & more at peace since that very moment. The knowledge of how your mind works can be so empowering @ times - I know that just because I have a disappointment in my life, doesn't mean that my life isn't worth anything to me or someone else. It's just my obsessive thinking, my "stinking thinking" as OAers are so apt to say, that takes over & provides me so much grief.

A good thing came outta all this, tho - I bought a coupla parakeets for me & Ella on the way home. Ladybug had passed on to the big aviary in the sky about 6 weeks ago. The cage has just been sitting on my dresser - clean & empty. Couldn't bear to take it out to the garage, I guess. Anyway, now it has some occupants. They are not very old - almost babies. So.....they will probably outlive Ella & maybe me. Who's to say? But here's a pic - meet Ricky & Lucy:


Lucy is the one on the left w/the crazy mottled feathers. Well - I suppose I oughta get up & get ready for work. Don't wanna be late!!

Peace, kids!!